Sound of Silence
by Miss-Murdered
Summary: Duo still visits even though all he hears is silence. 1x2. One-shot.


Disclaimer: Don't own

Pairings/Warnings: 1x2, angst, implied relationship

Inspired by the Disturbed version of Sound of Silence

* * *

The drive was a pleasant one – scenic rolling countryside and rustic old farm houses followed by patches of woodland and brightly coloured fields. It was relaxing, peaceful, beautiful. Or it would be if Duo's destination was one that did not require two armed agents in the front of the blacked out vehicle and a pat down prior to entering said vehicle.

Duo knew they had to pat him down and he didn't blame the two guys in the front of the vehicle for treating him like they did. They were following orders, after all, and he didn't blame them for their hard stares and grim expressions. They knew who Duo was and they knew who Duo was visiting. They knew the history, the stories and the rumours and all of that amounted to treating Duo like he was a potential terrorist threat. A ticking time bomb. A potential danger to international security. And various other labels that had been applied to him in the last few years.

Duo had read his psych reports, hacked them when his fingers were idle and his mind running wild, but despite Preventers fear of him suddenly going rogue Duo had done nothing of the sort. Even when they took his gun, his field work operative status and any sense of autonomy. Instead he sat in his cubicle, just as everyone in his team did, and he analysed data and comms and at times daydreamed about his previous life. Before it happened.

Heero was not the perfect guy. Duo had never been under any illusion that what they had was romance or beautiful or poetic. They were two damaged guys who had grown up as child terrorists. They hardly had the most conventional of meetings – guns and Gundams had characterised that encounter. Yet they had something – they had late nights wrapped around one another as Earth's storms echoed around them, their anxieties raised from the sounds of branches ripped from trees and debris on the ground. They had each other's backs on Prev missions, eyes meeting and instructions given in a glance. And they had those days of sex with bites and nips of skin, of fingernails deep into flesh and bruises on skin. It hadn't been perfect but then Duo had never wanted perfect. He had wanted Heero.

The war hero. Relena's saviour. The Perfect Soldier. Duo had teased him at times with those names – nicknames that brought a small roll of eyes in response. Heero wasn't the most responsive guy but those small eye rolls, that little smirk, that tiniest of smiles were things that Duo knew all too damn well. Yet he hadn't seen Heero give away what he was going to do. What he did. What changed everything.

At first everyone thought that Duo was complicit. That he had to have _known._ He had been thrown into a cell in an old OZ bunker, left to rot and starve. He had been beaten in a circular pattern and had been only given a reprieve for interrogations. For interrogations by colleagues. By friends.

He'd known nothing. He really hadn't. When Duo looked back now, he didn't know how he could've missed it. Surely Heero had given away something? Surely there was a look, a word, a nod of head that said what he was going to do - that he was going to hack a ground to air missile and blow Relena and several senior politicians from the sky?

But Duo couldn't remember any damn thing that would've clued him in – only that smell of Heero's hair, freshly washed and the feel of his Preventer shirt, stiff and starched as they kissed that last time, the taste of strong black coffee lingering on his lips.

Duo didn't blame Prev for suspecting him. It was days – or maybe weeks – before they released him, finally satisfied that he knew nothing. It didn't matter though that he didn't know anything – they still took away his job, his permission to carry a weapon and relegated him to a desk. And when he returned home, _their_ home, the apartment was ransacked and nothing remained but broken mugs and ripped t-shirts. It became time to start again but to start again being suspected. One day he would turn too, they thought, just like Yuy.

No one ever found out why Heero did it. Everyone had asked. Yet since the events, Heero had not said one single word. Duo had pleaded, stood in front of him and begged, held his face in his palms and Heero had only stared, blank eyed. Duo knew there was a reason – there had to be a _reason_ but he never had found out.

He speculated. There had been many sleepless nights where Duo wondered, pacing the apartment, trying to understand why Heero had thought _that_ was an appropriate response to the political unrest at that time. Duo remembered the unsettled period, the uneasy peace that always seemed on the cusp of collapse, and all those damn missions and ops that brought them back to killing people in cold blood.

There were political whisperings, power struggles and Relena had been forced to negotiate with men who Duo wouldn't trust further than he could throw their asses. But Duo still didn't understand how Heero thought _that_ was the response. That he could leave the apartment after that lingering kiss and go to Preventer HQ, walk into his office and hack the ESUN defence system so damn calmly and systematically. There was a plan. A plan for goddamn days or weeks but Duo hadn't seen it. Could he really have had _something_ with Heero if he didn't notice _that?_

Duo wondered if he could've done something before… They had constant medical monitoring, psyche appointments and debriefs from Preventer. He kinda assumed they had it covered, that they knew that Heero was so fucking damaged, that he needed support and help. Duo thought… well, it didn't matter what he thought. Not now.

It had been three years since it happened and Duo tapped his fingers on his knees as the agent drove, occasionally teasing at the rips in the thighs and knees of his black jeans. Duo had visited plenty at first. Gone and sat in the silence and stared at Heero. He had shouted at him, screamed at the selfish asshole for doing something so fucking crazy but it did no good. It only made things worse for Duo – made him _miss_ Heero more, being so close yet so far. Now he rarely went. His life was _almost_ rebuilt. Preventer trusted him more now – his job more senior and he had even tried dating once again, a nice guy called Ryan but fuck there was always Heero. And why Heero did it.

The car slowed as it approached a heavily wooded area and Duo's whole body clenched. He knew the route, the long winding path to the old chateau, and he knew what it meant. He looked out of the window as the car travelled over the uneven path and he thought of where he'd expected they'd throw Heero after his act of terrorism.

A mining asteroid. A Siberian prison camp. A hole in the middle of some jungle. Not _here._ Not a beautiful chateau in a place of serenity and peace. Yet they had. And Duo often wondered why. Was it because it was Heero Yuy – the world's hero who could fight and escape and defeat any enemy? Would he have escaped the hells on earth? But he hadn't even attempted an escape here – only remained safe and secure, taking visitors from time to time.

They arrived at the chateau and Duo waited for the agents to open the door for him. He took a deep breath, tried to summon a grim smile and got out of the car into the bright sunlight. It really was a damn gorgeous day.

There were more security protocols to go through, Duo's dignity tested by a particularly thorough search and it was only once they were complete was he permitted to enter the library.

Duo always met Heero in the library. It was a large ornate room with a window overlooking the woodland below. And when Duo entered, Heero was sat where he always was. At the window, his head bowed and eyes closed, an open book in his lap.

There was a moment it looked as though he was statue, his features cast in marble and that image was only cemented in Duo's mind by the shaven head, the fall of chocolate brown hair gone a long time ago. That moment was brief as Heero moved, only slightly, his head tilting up so that he could see who had entered the room and then Duo approached slowly, each footstep feeling heavy.

He wondered why the hell he'd come as he stalled across the decorative rug. Duo had _nearly_ got over this association – this assumption that he too had been involved despite the lack of evidence. He was starting again. But then he sure as hell couldn't. Not when Heero still lingered on his skin, on his mind, the ghost like presence that dogged every step he took.

He wanted to damn well know. He wanted Heero to tell him. He didn't want the sound of silence. Duo wanted to move on – get a mark on his skin tattooed in memory and walk away.

But Heero was different. Walking away was too damn hard.

"Hey," Duo said, his hands in his pockets as he stood a few feet away.

Heero didn't answer. Of course, he didn't but he looked up, those blue eyes even more intense and startling without the hair. Duo distinctly always felt when he visited he was a distraction, an annoyance to Heero and he glanced to Heero's lap where a heavy tome lay open, the type impossibly small. This time, however, Heero kept his gaze on Duo, his eyes scanning up and down Duo's body as though studying him, analysing him where he stood. Duo rocked back on his heels, an awkward gesture, as he felt the x-ray stare of those too damn blue eyes and he wondered what Heero saw.

Did he see that Duo was moving on, changing, growing up? Did he sense that Duo's life was recovering after the incredible fuck up Heero had made of it? Or did he figure that out himself due to the long stretch of time between Duo's last visit? Duo would never know.

And as Duo stared at Heero's face, he looked calm, composed, his expression softer than what Duo had known. He wondered – did Heero feel guilt? Did he mourn Relena? And hell, more selfishly, did he miss Duo and the life they had had that had been obliterated in only a few moments?

As Duo stared, saw the way the light reflected off Heero's shaved head, Duo knew there was no point to being at the chateau and no point in asking anymore. There was no turning back and despite the crazy ass hope, Duo knew his visits were futile and painful. There was never going to be an answer.

"You know why I came here. But it's not just 'cause I wanna know why… It's because I'm moving on. They let me have my own damn office. I have a few agents reporting to me. And it's like… I'm dating again. He's not you but fuck, I need something. And I can't keep thinking over what I could've done to help you or stop you or whatever. I can't live my life second guessing myself and blaming myself for what you did. So I guess… I guess this is goodbye, Heero."

There was a small exhale from Heero's lips and Duo knew that slight breath was worth a scream of surprise from someone else. He tried to ignore the instinct to approach, to comfort, to press his lips to Heero's as despite what had happened and the gaps of years, it was Heero. And Heero always made Duo's heart skip a damn beat.

"I'll get transferred," Duo continued, his words coming out of his moth in a ramble as he thought through his options, "I'll go back to the colonies. I just… I just want to know why before I go, 'Ro."

His voice cracked on the word 'Ro, that old nickname said in affection feeling wrong on his lips as he said it for what he thought could be the last time. He wouldn't come back, Duo knew that, as he couldn't. Each silent visit was a knife in Duo's gut and he couldn't keep doing that to himself. It didn't matter that he loved Heero and always fucking would.

Their eyes remained locked and Duo couldn't take it any longer, shrugged his shoulders and took a step back.

"Fine. Guess this is goodbye."

The calm, monk-like pose that Heero adopted vanished in a second, boyhood solider reflexes kicking in and in a brief span of seconds Heero was in front of him, Duo's own fight or flight responses in effect, poised to defend himself.

Close, Duo could smell Heero, almost feel his skin and he wanted to lean into his body. But he didn't. As they stood, inches away, Duo could hear the sound of agents enter the room, their encounters always watched from another surveillance room and Duo cocked his head, a question without words.

There was no words in response, only the slightly movement of lips and Duo remembered a boy on a gurney, strapped and bleeding and a sarcastic comment about lip-reading. And once those lips stopped moving, Duo didn't walk away as Heero did, walking towards those agents and letting them restraint him calmly.

There was one more moment of eye contact, of startling blue and Duo felt the world stop for those brief seconds, the sound of silence ringing in his ears before everything started once again. And in those moments of quiet, of eye contact, Duo thought about those silent words.

 _I thought I had to. I'm sorry._

And with a shuffling of feet, of clumsy shoving, Heero was gone and Duo too was hustled out of the chateau, the car waiting in anticipation of a quick getaway.

The car ride back to Sanc was as silent as the drive to the chateau and Duo thought about what he could've asked Heero but would never get chance to. About why he thought he had to, why he thought it was his responsibility to save the world, misguided as it was.

Those questions were dead on his lips and as Duo glanced back towards the chateau, he mouthed silent words before he settled into his seat to try and sleep the rest of the way back.

 _Goodbye Heero. I don't know why you thought you had to. I wished you'd talked to me then._

And with that, Duo closed his eyes, listening to the motion of the car until he found solace in sleep and the sound of silence.


End file.
